As a psychotherapist I treat many kinds of people who have suffered from abuse. The worst of all abuse is sexual abuse. It is a terrible crime and has serious consequences. It causes depression, anxiety, a loss of self esteem and usually scars the girl or woman for the rest of her life. Men and boys can be victims of sexual abuse also but in the majority of cases it is about men having power and control over girls or women. It isn't about sex but they use sex as a means of hurting a girl as it is the most intimate and cruel way to hurt someone and make them fearful. Due to the nature of sexual assault the victim usually feels alone, worthless, guilty and scared.

Unfortunately this leads to many cases never being reported (especially if a family member is the perpetrator). It is very important that moms talk to their daughters about sexual assault. Mom's should help their daughters understand that their body is their own and no one is allowed to touch your private parts without your permission. Go over this with your daughter when she is very young. Have her verbalize it. Are your parents allowed to touch your private parts without your consent? "NO". Is Grandma? "NO" Is Grandpa? "NO". The list should go on and on so your child understands clearly that her body is her own.

As your daughter gets older continue an open dialogue with her in regards to date rape, date rape drugs, and boundaries with dating. If she knows she can come to you she will talk to you about what she has heard from her friends and issues she worries about with a boyfriend. Teach her that "No" means "NO" and she has a right to say it at any time.

Your daughter needs to understand that if she is out at night she should never be alone. Having a friend with her decreases her chance of being sexually assaulted. Also make sure you have a code word to use in the case that she is attacked and someone is with her and she is afraid. She can call and say that word, and you will go and get her. Make sure you always know where she is and who she is with. Remind her that you are always available to come and get her and no questions will be asked for at least 24 hours. Make sure she knows that her safety and health always come first to you.
If your daughter is ever sexually assaulted or tells you of someone else who has been, there are steps that will secure their healing.

1. Listen. Don't rush them as they will heal if they can speak about the details. Validate them. Tell them you are so sorry.
2. Always reassure them that you are going to help them take care of this now. You will not leave them alone or abandon them. Remind them that this was not their fault and you are going to help prevent this from ever happening to anyone else again.
3. Help them report the crime. This may mean going to the doctor together or the police station. If it happened recently they may need to take samples. Do not leave the person, even if it is an acquaintance of your daughter whom you don't know. Stay right by them and offer reassurance. This step more than any of the others has the potential to affect how the person will recover. Women who had someone who stayed by their side and validated their story recover much better than those who feel alone and "dirty". This is an extremely vulnerable time, let them lean on you.
4. Counseling after a sexual assault is so important and can begin the healing process. There are many centers in every city that offer rape counseling and support. If it is for your daughter ask your pediatrician for a name or your pastor. Many times these professionals have access to names of counselors who can help.
5. As difficult as it may be after sexual assaults keep talking. If you can continue the dialogue with your daughter, she can feel safe telling you how this has affected her, and you will be better able to plan outings and get together in a manner that will make her feel secure and accepted again by her family.

Learning to love again and trust after a sexual assault or abuse takes patience and understanding. If she can rely on you to be present and strong, she will heal.