Dating with Caution: 6 Yellow Flags Therapists Want You to Notice

If you're dating, you’ve probably heard of green, red, and pink flags—signs that either make you feel more secure in a relationship or help you decide never to date someone again. However, few therapists weigh in on the more subtle signs that should caution daters to slow down, rather than blame or judge their partner.

These signs, which I refer to as "yellow flags," provide an opportunity to step back and reassess the relationship without making any hasty decisions. Using yellow flags as a symbol of caution, rather than immediately ending the relationship or overanalyzing it with friends, is a healthier approach to dating. A yellow flag doesn’t mean you should end the relationship, but it does suggest that you should pay closer attention to your partner and address the issue honestly before moving forward. Here are 6 yellow flags I wish people would pay attention to:

1. When your date reveals that all their exes were “crazy.” It’s understandable that leaving a chaotic relationship might make someone feel that their ex was difficult, but it's more important to take responsibility for one’s own role in that relationship. If a potential partner frequently insults or labels their exes as "crazy," it may indicate emotional immaturity and a lack of self-awareness.

2. When your date doesn’t have close friends, and your friends don’t like them. It’s important for dating couples to introduce each other to their close inner circle early on. If your partner is hesitant to talk about or introduce you to their friends, it might be because they don’t have any. Most people want to share someone special with their friends, so if your partner avoids this, it’s a sign to proceed with caution. Additionally, if your friends express concerns about your partner, listen to them. Friends are often good judges of character and may spot something you’ve overlooked.

3. If your date needs to spend every moment with you, it’s not about you; it’s about them. While it might feel flattering when someone wants to be with you all the time, this isn’t a healthy sign. This behavior could be a sign of attachment issues, dependency, or even anxiety and depression. It’s important to talk to your partner about this and take things slowly. They may be more interested in having someone in their life than in truly valuing you as an individual. You don’t want to be just “someone”; you want to be “the one.”

4. If your date has no hobbies or interests. Don’t set yourself up to be your partner’s sole source of entertainment. A healthy partner has interests outside of the relationship and hobbies they don’t want to give up. If they lack these, it can create an imbalance, putting intense pressure on you to fulfill all their needs. No relationship can sustain itself long-term without each person having their own outlets and interests.

5. When your date doesn’t respect your boundaries. Pay attention to signs like your date showing up late, prioritizing their own needs over yours, or disrespecting your boundaries. These are significant reasons to slow down and reassess the relationship. If someone is self-centered enough to think the relationship revolves around them and disregards your needs, it’s important to communicate this and observe whether their behavior changes.

6. If they aren’t close to their parents or family members. When dating, pay attention to how your partner treats and respects their family. If you value family and want your life partner to share this value, it’s crucial that they are on the same page. If your partner is estranged from their family or has unresolved issues with their parents or siblings, it’s important to understand those issues early on and discuss your concerns. Unresolved family issues do not get better with marriage, so it’s essential to have a plan to address them if you’re considering a long-term relationship.

Recognizing yellow flags in your relationship isn’t a deal breaker; rather, it’s an opportunity to gain greater clarity and motivation to work through issues. This can help you create a relationship you truly love being a part of.