What to Know Before Choosing a Domestic Partnership vs. Marriage

When I talk to couples about marriage, I often hear, "Marriage is just a legal document." If you feel this way, you likely shouldn’t get married. Marriage is more than a legal contract; it is often considered a sacrament. For many, it is a day of celebration among family and friends, marked by the exchange of vows. Marriages are significant family events, and couples often participate in premarital counseling or classes to prepare for this commitment.

On the other hand, a domestic partnership involves two people planning a future together but without the formal, legal bindings of marriage. This can be both an advantage and a disadvantage, depending on where life takes you.

When you hear the term "domestic partnership," you might associate it with same-sex couples, as it was once the only legal option for them before marriage equality. However, times have changed, and domestic partnerships are now often chosen by couples who prefer to avoid the legal entanglements of marriage. Some may have been married before and wish to avoid involving anyone outside of the relationship in their decision to share a life together.

If you and your partner aren’t ready for a wedding or don’t envision ever wanting to legally formalize your relationship through marriage, a domestic partnership might be a good option. Whatever type of long-term relationship you choose, it’s important to understand what to expect from it and what it can provide for both you and your partner.

Key Differences Between Domestic Partnerships and Marriage:

1. No Ceremony is Necessary: A domestic partnership does not require a public announcement or ceremony. Unlike a wedding, which is often a large public event, a domestic partnership can remain private. No legal ceremony or ritual is required.

2. Rights Are Not State or Country Mandated: In a marriage, certain rights—such as financial and medical decision-making powers—are automatically granted. In a domestic partnership, however, these rights must be explicitly defined by the couple. It’s important to ensure you have legal documents in place that outline these rights, particularly if you expect to make important decisions for each other, such as in the case of medical emergencies or financial matters.

3. Adultery Is Not Grounds for Legal Action: In marriage, adultery can be cited as a reason for divorce. However, in a domestic partnership, there is no legal divorce process. The dissolution of the relationship is typically less formal, and the reasons for ending it do not carry the same legal weight. While a separation of five years may be considered a reasonable cause for ending a domestic partnership, compensation or financial relief is generally not expected.

4. You Cannot Claim Legal Marriage Benefits: State rules vary, but simply living together for a certain period does not grant you the same legal rights as a married couple. Unless you and your partner agree to marriage and sign the necessary legal documents, you cannot claim marriage rights. This can become problematic in situations involving financial matters, child custody, chronic illness, or other vulnerabilities.

5. No Guaranteed Financial Support in the Event of a Breakup: If a domestic partnership ends, there is no guarantee of financial support, unlike in a divorce where spousal support may be awarded. However, depending on how long the relationship has lasted, you may be able to file a claim that provides limited financial provisions.

Deciding between a domestic partnership and marriage is a significant decision that should be made with careful consideration of your relationship and future goals. One of the biggest benefits of a domestic partnership is avoiding the formalities of the institution of marriage, though this can also contribute to the instability of the relationship. Consulting with a legal expert is a wise choice, particularly if you plan to raise children in a domestic partnership. Whichever option you choose, it’s essential to work together to build a relationship that both partners feel secure and happy in.