Grandparenting with Respect: When to Follow and When to Step In

When your children become parents, they seek support from their family. Part of offering that support is respecting and following their rules for their children—your grandchildren. It’s one thing if they ask you not to buy a specific toy, but it’s quite another if they ask for your help in protecting their child by getting a flu shot, whooping cough vaccine, or whatever else they deem necessary.

This week, a subscriber to my YouTube channel shared how upset she was after her parent accused her of "blackmail" for asking them to get a whooping cough vaccine before visiting her six-day-old baby. The parent who resisted the vaccine missed an opportunity to bond with their new grandchild and to support their daughter, who is very close to them.

You raise your children with the hope of being part of their lives forever, but raising them doesn’t entitle you to make the rules for their children. Your child is now an adult, and supporting them as a parent means encouraging them in their role as a mom or dad, and reminding them how fortunate your grandchild is to have them as parents.

If you’re a grandparent looking forward to seeing your grandchildren this year, it’s important to know that the CDC recommends two key vaccines: the flu shot and the whooping cough vaccine. Your child isn’t trying to manipulate you—they’re simply being responsible by protecting their children from unnecessary doctor visits and sick days.

Of course, there are times when a grandparent may need to step in for the well-being of their grandchild. Below are situations where your presence and assertiveness in advocating for your grandchild may be necessary, even if it goes against what your adult child says:

1. If your child is a single parent and has an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend living with the child.

2. If your child is over-drinking and putting your grandchild in harm’s way.

3. If your child is so depressed that they can no longer function.

4. Any time your grandchildren are left alone unsupervised.

5. If you notice any signs of abuse—whether your grandchild is afraid, cries frequently, becomes violent, or has unexplained bruises or marks.

If a grandparent sees any of these warning signs, taking matters into your own hands to seek help for your grandchild is the right thing to do. The greatest legacy we leave behind is the one we are building today with our children and grandchildren. Make it your priority to help create a legacy rooted in love, honor, and commitment.