Overcoming Societal Pressure to Marry with Safe Spaces

Roughly half of Americans are single through the age of 30, a significant factor when considering the pressure many of these individuals feel to pair up. Society favors couples, and a short evening out can remind you that the world is set up for them. While relationships are important, racing to fill a quota instead of taking your time to find the right person is not advisable.

When I talk to single clients, they often mention the curiosity or motivation others have to ask probing questions about their single status. This can make them feel unwelcome, alienating them and obstructing healthy communication and sharing, which would benefit both singles and those in committed relationships.

One area where I am encouraging my clients to grow is in creating and nurturing their own safe spaces. These spaces provide a respite for individuals seeking community without judgment or feeling devalued for not having a significant other. Safe spaces help stabilize individuals, allowing them to mingle, learn, and share their lives. Much like a nuclear family, creating a space involves choosing who they want in their family, with participation in the community being entirely up to them.

Safe spaces are not a replacement for marriage or commitment; rather, they allow individuals to become more self-aware and financially secure without feeling lonely or disconnected due to their marital status. People mature and prepare for significant relationships at different rates, and rushing to marry because of a specific age is never a good idea.

If you are in an isolated season of your life—perhaps you recently moved, your relationship status changed, or you are recovering from a health crisis—connecting with others is vital for your mental and physical health. Seeking a safe space community is important. If you cannot find a group to connect with, consider starting one. All you need are three interested people with similar mindsets to create your own safe space. Here are some suggestions for rules that will keep your space safe and help you feel included and connected without social pressures to find a significant other:

1. Make a mission statement to encourage and hold each other accountable in your safe space community. Remind each other that they are valued regardless of their relationship status.

2. Include singles from all walks of life. Be inclusive of different backgrounds, careers, and experiences to make the community more interesting and resourceful for everyone.

3. Avoid judging others. Instead of gossiping, focus on ideas and encourage each other to take positive steps.

4. Celebrate each other’s successes. Supporting each other and celebrating even the smallest accomplishments keeps motivation high.

5. Share resources and network but avoid matchmaking or giving relationship advice. Everyone in a safe space is taking a break from relationships, so offer them a place to heal, rethink, reflect, and redirect their lives toward what adds meaning to them.

A safe space community keeps singles connected and gives them room to breathe without making them feel forced to find someone to marry or settle with someone unsuitable. It provides companionship for movies, dining, and activities, eliminating the need to go alone. One’s relationship status should never be used to judge their worth. Finding a community to support their lifestyle allows them to enjoy life without the pressure of coupling up.